hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
