Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
