I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
