remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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