I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
