i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
