I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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