we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
