yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
