How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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