evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
