Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
