she was so not down for the gang bang
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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