So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
