what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
