You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
