he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
