WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
