I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
