There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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