I am puke
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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