A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
