uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
