tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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