great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
