Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
