If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
