Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
