WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
