Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
PANTIES FOUND
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