Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We have started to decorate penises.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
