Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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