why didn't you poke me back
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
