I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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