Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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