I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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