Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I believe in your delicious
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
