when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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