Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Boobs speak an international language.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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