Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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