I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
