Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
