just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
