Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My pussy is not your playground.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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