i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
