So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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