I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
