I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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