just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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