So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
