you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
