You're my little dorito
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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