the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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