I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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