my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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