I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
